Akatsuki Manga Club
by messedupfruitsrotten
Summary: Itachi meets Hidan, Deidara, Satori, and Zetsu - members of the Manga Club and tells them that they have an insufficient amount of attendees and must disband. Will the Manga Club survive? Cracky one-shot.


**AN: Hey~ I love the way they act in this chapter. But anyways, this is just them in high school and some of the members as a part of a manga club. ...I have no idea how I came up with that, so random xD But I would love to do more alternate universe situations and would also love requests for different worlds. I was thinking next up: An Akatsuki Maid Cafe? Tee hee~**

* * *

><p>"Welcome!" Deidara called out as Itachi opened the door. He hopped off a table by the window and shook the newcomer's hand. "So you want to join the manga club? That's great, un!"<p>

"Actually, I—" The brunet began, but he was cut short.

"Good!" Hidan shouted, setting down his pencil and leaning back in his seat. "I need someone to start inking these pages, but blondie is too busy with his figurines and the redhead just plays with stupid dolls!"

As Deidara glared at Hidan, Sasori replied, "For your information, my babies are not stupid. They're better than cheap painted plastic made to look like a schoolgirl with double D's." This earned him an intense evil look from Deidara. "They're elegant! For instance, Megu here cost me nearly 50,000 yen. And Show ran for about 60,000." He paused as he stroked the male doll's glimmering brown wig. "It's the outfit, isn't it?" His fists clenched. "I knew I should've bought the Spring White Coat to go with Mimi's dress."

Sasori went on muttering to himself as the others stared at him.

"Anyways, as I was saying—" Itachi started, but was interrupted once again. This time it was by Konan who stormed in with her hands on her hips. The very sight of her made Hidan flinch and futilely attempt to hide the drawings on the desk.

"I knew it was you guys," she hissed coolly. "Stop stealing paper from the literature club or you're done for!"

"What do you even need it for, you manly yankee!" Hidan barked back.

"Every time I'm about to show everyone how to make origami, you have all the paper!"

"Why don't you go steal some, delinquent!" He stuck out his tongue making her shake with fury.

"Don't fight in here!" Sasori and Deidara shouted, both moving to protect their precious "toys," as Hidan would call them.

"Wait! Could I just—" Itachi tried to say, but was stopped once more.

"Go to the tea ceremony club," Zetsu suggested. "I think they have origami paper there."

"Thanks, _Zetsu_," Konan spat in Hidan's face before strutting off.

"What a bitch!" Hidan roared.

"**You should have let them kill each other**," Zetsu said to himself. "No, I guess I did the right thing… **you didn't**," he sighed.

Itachi pointed to the schizophrenic student. "What's he doing in here anyways?"

"Kicked out of the Ikebana club because he scared the girls," Deidara explained.

Itachi opened his mouth to say something else, but Hidan went back to drawing, Deidara was daydreaming with his Yoko figurine, Sasori was debating on outfits for his dollfies, and Zetsu was attending to a small plant in the corner of the room. Basically, no one was paying any attention to him. He could feel his blood boil. These damned geeks were really trying his patience. He could think of several things to call them. Rotten, disgusting, failures. In comparison to them, his shit smelled like goddamn perfume and he knew it. He was president of the Student Council and heir to his father's company. He was smart – number one in his class – and athletic – excelling in the sports fest ever year. For these losers not to bow at his authority they had to be 1) the rudest people on the face of the planet or 2) complete idiots. Based on their blank looks of concentration as they toiled over their separate obsessions, Itachi guessed 2 was the correct answer.

"I'm here to tell you that your club has to disband," Itachi stated firmly.

Zetsu dropped his watering can. Hidan dropped his pen. Deidara dropped his Piccolo figure. Megu's white hat slipped right out Sasori's fingers.

"What?" they all simultaneously shouted.

Itachi glanced about the small room that had low lighting, most of the light coming from the single window that overlooked the sports clubs going on outside.

"You only have four members," he went on. "For a club to continue, it needs five."

"N-no way…" Sasori mumbled as Deidara tended to the slightly damaged Piccolo.

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Hidan said, glowering at the president.

Itachi ignored the stare. "Find a fifth member by the end of the week and you otaku can go on with… whatever the hell you're doing…"

"Oh yeah," Deidara said, petting Piccolo's head. "I guess since Kisame-senpai switched to swimming club, un, we're down a member!"

Sasori scoffed. "And before this it was kendo! Can't he pick something and stick with it!"

"That's beside the point!" Hidan yelled. "His betrayal caused our downfall kind like Temozarela in that Priest manhwa!"

Itachi silently watched the idiotic commotion before turning away. He told them what he came to tell them and the retards were no longer any of his business.

* * *

><p>"Hey, 'kuzu-sensei," Hidan said the next afternoon as he and Deidara raided the room Kakuzu was preparing to leave.<p>

The history teacher sighed, straightening a stack of papers. "What do you want?"

"Was just wondering if we could hang this up in Homeroom!" Hidan asked, holding up a flyer.

Kakuzu snatched the advertisement out of his student's hands and his eyes flew over it with revulsion. "Boys, of course you can't!"

"What the hell, Kakuzu!" Hidan groaned. "I was counting on you too!"

"You wrote on here: 'Join manga club and your penis will grow three inches!' There's no way I can approve this, you dumbasses!"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Come on, sensei, please! We have to get more people or disband, un!"

"I'm not letting you," Kakuzu said balling the ad up and tossing it in the trash.

"No!" Deidara and Hidan shouted, reaching for their fallen pride and joy. "We spent so much time on that!"

"Make something more appropriate and I'll allow it. Now out of my way," Kakuzu said on his way out the door leaving Deidara and Hidan to reflect on their dumbassity.

* * *

><p>The next day, the gang met atop the roof during lunch.<p>

"**We can threaten students**," Zetsu proposed while munching on a salad. "But maybe that's bad…"

"Like beat them up until they join?" Hidan replied excitedly.

"Nah, no one's scared of us, un," Deidara sighed. "I hate to say it, but we're losers at this school…"

Sasori sat beside the blond, brushing Show's new wig. "Well, we have to do something."

"We can bribe them!" Hidan said proudly. "Or we can dress up Deidara-chan in a maid outfit and seduce them! You'll look nearly as cute as Suzumiya Haruhi no Yūutsu's Mikuru!"

"I'm not doing that, un" Deidara responded flatly.

"…it could work though…" Sasori murmured.

A pause. All eyes fell on Deidara.

"I'm not doing that doing that, un!" He hollered. "So think of something else!"

Hidan crossed his arms. "That fucking Uchiha! He must think he's so cool getting to tell us we have to break up. He's ruining us like Now Comics did Testuwan Atomu!"

"**Deidara could dress up as one of the Sailor Senshi!**" Zetsu said fervently.

"Or Momoko from Ai Tenshi Densetsu Wedingu Pichi!" Hidan shouted with fiery eyes.

"A Lolita dress with lace at the—" Sasori started.

"Shut up, you assholes!" Deidara bellowed. "It's! Not! Happening!"

* * *

><p>Thursday rolled around with no progress whatsoever. The four boys sat around their club's meeting place with sullen faces. They felt defeated. If they didn't have one more member by tomorrow, then they were totally screwed.<p>

"It's been nice, you guys," Hidan moaned as he colored in a female nekomimi with a rather large chest.

"So, we're giving up?" Zetsu asked sadly.

"We have no choice," Deidara sighed. "Guess I'll join the art club." He looked affectionately at his figurines. "But they won't accept you all there."

"I guess I'll take the skills I learned from dollfies to drama club?" Sasori thought aloud with a furrowed brow.

Hidan's fist shook with fury. "No!" He screamed, slamming his hands down and standing up. "We're going to fight this just like every _Jump_ character I've come to know and love! One way or another, we'll find another member!"

"Who?" Deidara asked. "Where?"

"I have no idea!" Hidan admitted with a flash of determination in his eyes.

"Moron…" Deidara, Zetsu, and Sasori all grumbled.

A knock came to the door making each look to the entryway where their tall History teacher stood.

"'Kuzu-sensei," Hidan called. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to let you geeks know that I hung up you stupid-ass flyer," Kakuzu said.

"Really? You're the best, un!" Deidara said.

Kakuzu wore a face of irritation. "I edited it heavily of course. Never try to convince me to set up something dumb like that ever again though!"

With that he left the room and Itachi entered.

"Any luck?" The president asked.

"You know damn well we haven't any luck!" Hidan retorted. Deidara, Zetsu, and Sasori regarded him with equal amounts of disdain.

Itachi scoffed. He really despised their attitude… or at least, he thought he should. He didn't though. He was just… unused to it. People treated him like a god so often that he didn't really know what it was like not to be one. Under this consideration, he had to admit he almost… admired these guys.

Itachi moved to look over Hidan's shoulder causing the albino to back away a bit. "Wh-what?" the 2nd year stuttered as the Uchiha came closer.

Itachi grabbed the illustration that Hidan had been coloring. He observed it with a critical eye.

"This is…" A whole year felt like it had passed by for he finished his sentence. "Really good…"

The manga club was shocked. Their jaws dropped and limbs froze – not quite sure what to do next. Deidara was the first to break this silence.

He went through the drawer of the desk Hidan sat at and pulled out a few papers.

"Here's some I did, they're better, un!" He insisted, handing the pages to Itachi who nodded in agreement causing Hidan to redden with anger.

"Show him mine," Sasori commanded, shuffling over to the desk with Show and Megu in his arms.

_**...**_

"And that's why Toriko is the better manga," Zetsu finished up while placing plant food in one of the pots he kept in the room.

"I can understand your argument," Itachi replied. "But I really don't think the uniqueness of the storyline makes up for the rest of its faults."

"Then we must agree to disagree," Deidara told the heir as he arranged his figurines in order of which were going to get set on fire first.

"This was an interesting talk," Hidan declared, adding the finishing touches to his nekomimi sketch.

"It was," Sasori concurred while caressing Kanata's head and wishing that he had given her a hat that day. "We should invite Uchiha-kun to our bonfire this weekend."

"Bonfire?" Itachi repeated.

"Each week, I blow up the figurines I don't want anymore," Deidara said knocking over an especially ugly Death the Kid figure. He wasn't even quite sure why he had bought that one, but he was quite ready to be rid of it.

"That actually sounds… pretty cool," Itachi said with a quick, fleeting smile.

It lasted for only a second, but still it made the manga club's hearts flutter. Did he really just smile at them?

* * *

><p>Deidara, Zetsu, Hidan, and Sasori all stood outside the club's room door looking at the sign taped to it, reading: Manga Club. Today was the day when they would have to take it down.<p>

"We had a good run," Hidan said. "Like Toraigan or Kauboi Bibappu."

"We're all going up in flames, un," Deidara said to his Kagome figurine who was set to be destroyed that Saturday.

"To the drama club," Sasori groaned. Kankuro was in drama club. And he hated that guy.

"I wonder if the Ikebana club will take me back," Zetsu pondered. "**Probably not…**"

Then the "Bigger Penis, Manga Club" flyer was shoved into Hidan's face.

"Is this your poster? Are you still taking people? Because I would like to join."

"Who the hell…?" Hidan clamored as he ripped the flyer from his sight. The four club members gasped at a smirking Uchiha Itachi.

"_You?_" They all cried out.

"Sure," Itachi answered. "I didn't know if I could be class president and a part of your club, but I asked Pein-sensei about it and he said it doesn't matter since I'm me and I could do whatever I want. With that, you have enough members."

"Spoiled little…" Hidan complained under his breath.

Itachi laughed inwardly at this as he opened the door for the new manga club. From that day on, Itachi knew that afterschool he could step into a world void of constant praise. A land where he was called out for his bratiness and where he could fully be himself without worrying about the criticism of pressuring parents or peers who held him to impossible standards. And weekly, they would burn their troubles away together, watching all their problems go up in smoke, side-by-side.


End file.
